….Why do I always doubt, worry and panic when situations don’t go the way I planned? Why do I put myself down and doubt my decisions? Why do I always look to other people for answers and reassurance instead of God? Why do I fear that God won’t take care of me and my family?
I quit my full-time job as the cook at Gateway Academy. I had an opportunity to work with my dad three days a week. That was a hard decision for me to make. My dad and I have not had the best relationship. There were many factors putting a strain on our relationship over the years …step-mom, step-sister, drama, hurt… and holding on to anger and unforgiveness especially. But since I have been praying for God to mend our relationship for 4 ½ years, I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to be with my dad. It was a leap of faith. I felt like it was RIGHT, like God was answering my prayers. I gave my notice to my boss on July 7th. Then on Sunday July 10th, guest pastor Derek Turner spoke at Mosaic. He gave his powerful testimony which impacted me. Philippians 3:13 says “ No, dear brothers and sisters I have not achieved it, but I focus on this ONE THING: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” GOD MEANT FOR ME TO HEAR THIS!! I cried hard during that service, thanking God the whole time for giving me this scripture and giving me my dad. …forget the past…look forward to what lies ahead…perfect timing, 3 days after I made the decision to work with my dad!
Unfortunately, the 3 day job has not worked out yet. 22 days later and I am still waiting. I’ve worked a few days but not enough. So here comes my doubts and panic! I need income! I need to work! I thought this was the right thing to do! So then I watch a Joyce Meyer sermon and she said… to STOP DOUBTING YOUR DOUBT! Aww thanks Joyce! See, God keeps reassuring me that I will be ok by giving me scripture…actually…smacking me in the face with the scripture He wants me to hear.
Things keep working out…over and over again. During all my worrying about money, I got a surprise refund check in the mail last week. That money will more than pay for the work I’ve missed this month, and maybe even cover me until the end of September!
Another Gateway Academy needs my help this week because they don’t have a cook. I can cook lunch and maybe help train the new cook they hire. It just worked out perfect because I don’t have any work with my dad.
I get to help a good friend’s mom clean her house while she is going through chemo. She wants me to do it. She trusts me. ….and I get to spend time with her! I am very happy about that.
So the lesson I’ve learned in the past month is….we just have to TRUST GOD. Stop doubting. Stop worrying. Stop panicing. Stop looking for reassurance from other people - go to God. I believe GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY FAMILY!!!
~ Brianna McCarthy